Hanging it out in the wind

Jen:

We seemed to have skipped Spring and went right to summer.  It was 94 degrees in VA today.  In other words it was hot as hell.   My kids enjoyed a weekend of fun outdoors.    I’m so tired as I sit here and write this blog post.  I’m ready to go to bed but, had to share this….  My husband has taught my 3 year old son that’s it’s OK to pee outside.  I’m on the fence with this one.  We do live in a neighborhood where our house sits on 3 acres.   If he pees outside in the backyard  nobody can see him.  I’ve walked in the back yard on more than once occasion and saw my son standing by a tree hanging it out in the wind.    Of course I can over analyze any situation and this one is no exception.  What if he is playing outside at his daycare and pees outside? What if we are on a play date and he drops his pants and hangs it out at his little friends house?  Is he old enough to understand that he can only pee in the woods or in the backyard of our house?  I tried talking to him about it and he seems to understand…but, he is 3!  I tell him not to throw a ball in the house and he hums it across the room!  My husband tells me it’s every man’s god given right to pee outside.  Really?  That’s news to me.   So, yesterday afternoon I was inside making lunch for the kids….the kids were outside playing while dad was trying to clean up the garage.   I came out to get the kids and my daughter was riding her bike.   My husband said that our son was out back peeing.   I went in the backyard and could not find him.  I called for him…no answer…As I walked towards the front of the house I saw a car slowing down in front of our house…..then another car…..I looked in front of the house…and saw my son.  He was squatting on the front lawn…he was not standing next to a tree peeing….He was doing #2.   I analyzed this whole peeing outside and thought of every situation that could come of this…..ha ha ha ha ha ha….I didn’t see this one coming….

 

Stacy:

Hahahahahahahaha…… well, if nothing else it makes for a great story you can share with his girlfriends 12-15 years from now…    But you are totally right in everything you are saying.  He is too young to understand that it’s only okay here or there, but not there…or there… it’s a concept his little brain isn’t quite developed enough for.  At his age, things are still somewhat black and white.  In his mind if going to the bathroom outside is okay then it’s okay.  He hasn’t even been potty trained that long and he is already being taught potty alternatives.  You can’t really expect him to get the difference…it’s way too abstract a concept.  You gotta just tell your Husband that until he is old enough to use proper judgement he needs to be taught that bathroom activities need to be done in the bathroom…. poor kid must be so confused!  

Feeling unappreciated at work lately? Are you having a bad day?

Jen:

A co-worker of mine sent me this to me via email.  Unbelievable!  She could not have timed sending this to me any better…my morning at work has been stressful….This helped  snap me back into a better perspective! I hope it helps you too…

WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS New York Times:

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed
that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE
DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers.

He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday
morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the
weekend.

His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: “George was always the first guy in
each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual
that he was in the same position all that time and didn’t say anything. He
was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself. ” A post mortem
examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering
a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical
textbooks when he died. You may want to give your co-workers a nudge
occasionally

Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These:

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unp lugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

 Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaskawas $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? – No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘Return to Sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better?

Granny’s Got Sticky Fingers

Jen:

This week has been a long exhausting week for me.  My mother who lives in Buffalo, NY has been staying with me since Sunday.  I’ve been debating on whether or not I should blog about any of this.   But, maybe I’m not alone and other people have a parent that is mentally ill.   It’s become apparent to me just how worse she has become.  I took her to my daughter’s gymnastics class the other night.  My son plays in the waiting area which is filled with toys and books.  My mother was sitting with my son and reading him books.  He was loving every second of it and belly laughing….it was really cute.  We left gymnastics and were about to pull out of the parking lot when my mother turns to my son and says look what Granny has for you… It was the books she was reading to him inside of gymnastics.   I asked her if she took the books.  She said…yes… ..then said to me….haven’t you ever stole something before?….ummmm….yes…when I was 8….a pack of gum from the candy store and I got in caught and it taught me a lesson….your a 58 year old woman!…..this is totally unacceptable.   Before I proceeded to lecture her like she was a child I turned the DVD player on in the car so my kids would focus on the TV and not what I was about to say to my mother…..first of all this is not the kind of example that I want for my kids…to show them it’s OK to take things that don’t belong to them.  Second..I come here every week with my kids…My kids enjoy coming here….why would you try to infringe on that?  I asked her to bring the books back inside.  She told me No…the books were special to her b/c she read them to my son and he enjoyed them…someday when I’m a grandma I would understand.  I told her if she didn’t bring the books back in right now I would change her plane ticket and send her back to Buffalo the next day.  She got out of the car and brought the books back into gymnastics.   My parents divorced when I was 6 years old.  My mother had a nervous breakdown and went into a hospital for over a month. My father got full custody of me and my sister who is 2 years younger than me.  Over the next few years she was in and out of my life.  I was too young to understand mental illness, but I understood that something was not right with my mother.  Eventually she remarried and had 2 more daughters.  After awhile I did not want to go visit her anymore.  Her mood swings were too much to handle….major crying spells…followed by a deep depression…she would just want to sleep…then the next day..she would be bouncing off the walls.   I’m just touching on this subject…It’s very personal….you see… my mother is bi-polar and has manic mood swings.  The last time she was here visiting was 2 years ago..my kids don’t really know her and don’t understand what is going on.  I know I can’t shield them forever but, how do you explain it to them?  I struggle with my relationship with her….it’s my mom…But, I can only take her in small doses…then I feel guilty…How do you handle a parent that is mentally ill?

 

Stacy:

 

Hun, the one thing I always tell you is to accept the way you feel, validate it, and allow it.  The way you feel about her and the distance you keep from her is normal and a direct reaction to her behavior.  You learned when you were small to shield yourself from her in order to protect yourself from what would have been to confusing and painful as a child.  It continues to be painful as an adult, but you have a right to how you feel.  You never really got to experience a fundamental mother/daughter relationship with her because of her illness and her illness is not controlled.  You don’t really know the real her..only her illness.  It isn’t your mother that you are rejecting…just the symptoms of what she has.  Her manic, and juvenile behavior triggers alot of negative feelings for you which is completely understandable.  You wouldn’t be a normal person if you did not feel this way.  So..that being said…. #1..GET RID OF THE GUILT!  It is not your fault you feel this way about her… you are simply protecting yourself.  And that’s normal, understandable, and okay!  #2… Try and accept in your mind that your mother does have this illness…don’t expect her to have the same social skills and coping mechanisms you have..because she doesn’t. Expect her to be who she is and you will find yourself  less frustrated and dissappointed when you do see her.  #3…as your children get older, when they do see her it is okay to explain to them that sometimes she does things that are innappropriate…and it doesn’t make it right, but that’s just the way she is. 

Jen…don’t take her behavior personally…don’t feel guilty…and don’t expect more than she is capable of.  Seeing her every two years in small doses is okay if that’s all you want to give.  Forgive yourself and validate that you are just a normal person reacting the way any normal person would in your shoes.  But remember sometimes when we expect less of someone in this type of situation we actually get more out of that.  Release the guilt!  You are human my friend!

Is it OK to quit?

Jen:

Every Saturday since September of last year my 4 year old daughter was taking  ballet/tap class.  The ballet studio she went to follows the school season.  In June they are going to have a cute recital in which the girls will dress up in a bumble bee costume .   Well, all the other little girls will be dancing and tapping their little hearts out…except for my daughter.  I let her quit her ballet/tap class.  I let my 4 year old make her first real decision that didn’t have to do with who she would invite over for a play-date or what outfit she should wear.  I’ve have always wanted my kids to be involved in sports….To make being physically active an every day activity that would come natural to them like waking up and brushing their teeth.  I believe it’s so important to teach kids the importance of being physically active to their health and well-being.   Did I mention that my daughter also takes gymnastics every Tuesday night and has been for almost 2 years?  And let’s not forget about soccer.  She started that at the YMCA when she was 3.   Now she belongs to an association in VA.  She started last year in the fall and just started back up this spring.   About 4 weeks ago my daughter started throwing fits about going to ballet class.  She kept telling me that she did not want to go.  I would make her go and after the class she seemed to have enjoyed it.   Sometimes she would throw fits about going to school but, don’t all kids?  I figured this was a one time deal.  Same thing the next weekend.  My daughter kept saying she did not want to go.  I sat her down and we talked about it.  I asked her why she did not want to go to ballet class anymore.  My daughter said that she did not like taking ballet.   She told me that she only liked soccer and gymnastics.    I asked her if she wanted to stop going to class.  She said Yes.  OK….we won’t go to ballet class anymore.  She looked at me and said Thank you Mommy. (she has such good manners. I’m so proud)  I guess I figured that I would expose my kids to different types of physical activity then let them decide what they enjoyed doing and what they did not enjoy doing. And my daughter did just that. Did I make the right choice?    Or is this situation showing my child that it’s OK to quit?  Or…. am I over analyzing another situation?

 

Stacy:

It is okay to let her quit because its not an issue of her not wanting to do anything.  She is clearly involved in other things and totally enjoys them.. So she is obviously well aware of what she likes and doesn’t like and she is entitled to that.  As long as she is following through on the things she likes in a healthy way then you have nothing to worry about.  You are overanalyzing as usual my friend!