Michael Jackson: Why Am I So Sad?

 

 

It was a beautiful sunny day.  I had just spent hours on the beach with my children and was resting on the bench watching them chase each other around the playground.  My phone began buzzing away in my pocket and I pulled it out to see who it was.  It was a text from my ex-husband,

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, hun, but Michael Jackson  just had a heart attack.  He didn’t make it.”

My heart sank as I stared at the words on the screen.  Like a switch the tears started streaming down my face…  How can this be possible?  He can’t be dead… he’s Michael Jackson…  How can there not be a Michael Jackson?  That’s just absurd!

I was sad… I was angry… I was confused.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am full of compassion and love, so any sad news can easily pull at my heart strings.  But this was different.  It was personal.   The ache in my chest was real and intense, a pain that far exceeded the usual reaction at the news that a celebrity had passed… a simple “awe..that’s sad” and then a movement forward.  This was real… I felt a loss.  So why is the loss of Michael Jackson affecting me…and so many others…on such a powerful level?  What is this overwhelmed sadness and feeling of denial really about?

Let’s just think about the level of fame Michael Jackson had reached.  He was a global icon.  Michael Jackson was extraordinary… and the whole world agreed.  There are those who LOVE him… those who really like him…and those who like him.  But who doesn’t like Michael Jackson?  Who doesn’t appreciate his music or enjoy his talent?  Who doesn’t think Michael Jackson was an extremely talented musician whose contribution to our culture goes unprecedented…only to be compared to the greatness of Elvis Presley.  That’s one thing the world had in common… we all loved Michael Jackson.

Now to get back to understanding the intensity of our sadness…the reason is this:

It’s the memories.  If I were to discuss the details of my childhood…the turning points and memorable moments…I would have to discuss the impact of Michael Jackson in my life.  I was the little third grader running around with the Beat It Jacket and the white glove.  I was Michael Jackson for Halloween.  I was the lunatic crying at the concert because the euphoria of being in the same room with him was too much to handle.  And what was my very first concert by the way?  It was Michael Jackson…the Thriller Tour.  When I was in fourth grade I told my parents that when I grow up I wanna be Michael Jackson’s maid because then I get to be around him. (My parents were so proud…;)  ) Then when I was in fifth grade I decided I just wanted to marry him.    I was the kid who loved Michael Jackson…his number one fan…or at least I believed I was.  For years, my admiration for Michael Jackson and his music defined who I was.  It is an integral piece of my childhood that cannot go without recognition.  It is, and always will be, a part of who I am. 

It goes without saying, that I am one of millions of people who feel that Michael Jackson and his music is also an extension of themselves.  Who doesn’t have at least one amazing memory of their past that involves Michael Jackson?  He was everywhere…and has become a part of us as a society.  So the sadness of his death triggers a personal walk through our own lives…our past…our memories…our old friendships.  I feel sad for the little girl that still dwells within my psyche…the little girl with the Beat It Jacket, Thriller Doll, and white glove.  The little girl watching MTV all day long hoping to see the Thriller video.  And I feel sad for the opportunity lost.  The music he would have written that the world will never hear…and the performances we will never see. 

The one thing that won’t be missed is the infamous Michael Jackson Controversy.  I will only say this…and this is just my opinion… The world needs to stop judging.  Imagine a life where you can’t leave your home, go anywhere, do anything without an entourage of bodyguards and being surrounded by the insanity of crazed fans wanting to get near you.  Imagine not being able to take a walk through the park, go on a family vacation, or even know what it’s like to just go to a store and buy something.  The world would not allow him to live a normal life…so how can we sit in judgement of what he did to cope with that?  He was just a normal person building up his defenses to adjust to the enormity of the fame he had derived.  He was trapped in the name he had made for himself.  He was Michael Jackson… and the world owned him.  He could never just be Michael.  Imagine that.

That being said, I will end this piece with a farewell to Michael Jackson.  The dedication and love his fans have for him will keep him alive in our world.